Advent
by jamesthestagwhore
Summary: It is 1978 and you are cordially invited to spend this Christmas with the Potters. Sirius wants to drink, Remus wants to beat someone at chess, Peter wants to know where the cat is, Lily wants everything to be perfect, and James won't let Lily do any of the cooking. All other guests are just hoping that they leave with all of their limbs.
1. Obstacles in the Kitchen

**AN: **I welcome you to spend Christmas 1978 with The Potters, through a drabble a day, snippets of their celebrations

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Lily squeezed her hands between her knees, partly to keep them warm, mostly to release the anxiety. James has told her to stop wringing her hands. He had also told her to stop worrying, but that seemed beyond the realms of possibility. Is that what all grown-ups felt like at Christmas? Perhaps she just missed having her parents take care of everything. She did not linger too long on thoughts of her parents because such thoughts tended to violate her stiff-upper-lip affinity. Instead, Lily forced her eyes to dart around the living room once more, just to make sure everything was perfect; she was allowed to obsess over the Living Room, the kitchen was another matter.

For the sake of her sanity, she ignored the third crash she'd heard come from the kitchen that day. It was better not to think too much about what James might be doing in there unsupervised. The lights on the tree were dimmer than they had been when she lit them last night. Pulling out her wand, Lily made the room sparkle once more.

Another crash rang through the cottage.

"James?" Lily called her husband, breaking her vow of silence on the crashing matter.

There was a brief moment of silence before: "I might not be doing very well."

"Might?"

"Possibly," said James, "or almost certainly."

Without a second glance at the tree, Lily found herself staring at a floor littered with a turkey, a discarded wand, and her disgruntled husband.

Suppressing a snort, Lily folded her arms. "Are you quite alright?" It was quite something to behold. She had seen James beautifully defiant in defence of his friends, stunningly overjoyed in victory of the Quidditch Cup, spectacularly blissful as she walked down the aisle towards him, but never had she seen his face look so perfect.

His forehead was crinkled as his brows her raised and his mouth was slanted in sincere apology and immense embarrassment as he said, "I'm in a bit of a pickle."

"I can see that," Lily chuckled. "Need some help?" Trying to avoid the puddles of grease, Lily made her way to help him up, supporting him in his feeble attempt at standing.

When he was finally upright, Lily inspected his head for any injuries.

"I don't think you've hurt yourself," she said, pushing his hair back. Before she could move her hand away, James clutched it to his forehead with his own. "No I'm in an awful lot of pain," he moaned, to which she responded with a smack on the shoulder and an, "Oh, shut it!"

"Now what is the issue?" asking Lily, looking around the kitchen for any further debris. Thankfully just the turkey and wand were now the only objects out of place on the floor.

"Did you know that covering a Turkey in goose fat and then trying to pick it up with your bare hands in order to transfer it to the oven is a terrible idea?" said James. "In fact, the only idea worse than that would be if someone – an idiot – thought it would be practical to try and levitate the fallen turkey with his wand, forgetting how greasy his hands were."

"Alright, I see where this is going."

"To cut a long story shortish, when there is grease on the floor don't run to pick up your fallen wand."

"Because you will fall over," Lily finished for him.

"I see you've heard the story before."

With a sigh, Lily used her own wand to clean up the mess. Once the turkey was safely on the side, Lily turned back to her husband with the intention of banishing him from the kitchen. James refused.

"What do you mean no?" she cried. "You need to get changed before the boys get here! I can finish up in here."

James shook his head in defiance. "I am very sorry," he said, "but I cannot allow that to happen. You can go and change while I cook."

"I've already changed."

He refused to meet her eye.

"James," she began curiously, "is there a reason you aren't letting me cook?"

James' mouth fell open a little too dramatically to be a believable side effect of shock.

"James!"

"Yes?"

Lily scowled. "Why won't you let me do any of the cooking?"

"I just want you to have a nice day," he said sweetly, leaning forwards to kiss her on the cheek. "I'll go and get changed if it means that much to you." So sweet it was sickly. It definitely wasn't natural. Still, he was going to change out of his pyjamas (finally) and so Lily didn't question James any further.

Just as she turned to tackle the Turkey, James called down, "And don't touch the food! I'll know!"

Lily might have rolled her eyes and tutted slightly, but she did as he said.

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**AN:** VERY SHORT, but this is the first of 25 drabbles that will be uploaded each day this month.

I hope you like it! Reviews make Christmas come early.


	2. A Beverage Malfunction

**AN:** Thanks for everyone who reviewed and favourited after the last drabble! Your support for this idea is lovely! Here's today's drabble. Enjoy.

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Since they had moved in as newlyweds that September, James and Lily Potter had never been short of house guests. Specifically those of the Marauder variety. So accustomed to the Potter's cottage in Godric's Hollow were said Marauders, that Lily had barely a moment to step back from the front door before the three boys were upon her.

Hugging each of them individually (even receiving a kiss on the cheek and a fine bottle of Oak Matured Mead from Sirius) she welcomed them into the Living Room. Not that she needed to bother really; Remus, Peter, and Sirius were used to making themselves comfortable in her home.

"James, they're here!" she called up to him, drowning out Peter's inquisition of the whereabouts the cat.

"Did you touch the food?" James called back, jogging down the stairs. He had picked out a very red woollen jumper Lily's mum had knitted for his eighteenth birthday.

"You look beautiful," said Lily, grabbing him by the neck of his jumper before he could vanish into the living room with the others.

"That didn't answer my question, Lily. I am doing all the cooking and you are doing absolutely none of it, and if you ruin this balance then the world as we know it will cease to function," said James matter-of-factly.

"I did not touch the food."

"Promise?"

She leaned forwards and kissed him lightly on the lips. James accepted that as an answer and so, straightening his glasses, entered the living room.

"Merry Christmas!" cried James upon entry, raising his arms is celebration.

"Did I hear right, Prongs?" asked Sirius as James took the seat beside him. "You are doing the cooking?"

"I am indeed."

"Interesting," said Sirius, nodding slowly as he digested this information.

"Might I ask a further question?" said Remus.

"You may," James allowed.

Lily smiled as they spoke, placing herself cross-legged by the tree. Even though she was staring at her husband, this action made her feel so very much like a child.

"Does this mean you finally got an oven?" Remus asked.

Lily chuckled and said, "Yes we did."

"Took you long enough," said Peter. "No more eating raw?"

"We did not eat raw!" James defended. "Not always anyway, right Lily?"

Lily did not answer straight away. "Well," she began, taking the time to pull her socks up to her knees and tighten her ponytail before responding. "We did eat at other people's houses sometimes," she allowed.

"Excuse me!" cried James. "I often cooked with magic."

Sirius snorted, "When did _you_ become a culinary master?"

"Well, he didn't so much cook as burn things," said Lily.

James narrowed his eyes at her. "I made decent toast."

"Yes but we did have a toaster."

Before James could act hurt, Lily leapt to her feet and announced she would be getting everyone drinks.

"Don't touch the food!" cried James as she left. Lily waved in acknowledgment but did not turn around.

"Oi, Prongs," said Peter, "How did you like my gift?"

James grinned. "Brilliant. 'Had to hide it from Lily though," he lowered his voice substantially so there was no chance of his wife overhearing him. "I put it in the last place she'd look – what's wrong, Moony?"

Remus was frowning slightly.

"Moony?" he repeated.

"It's just," began Remus, musing. "Why won't you let Lily near the food?"

But Lily's footsteps were heard long before James' voice; Remus did not get his response. She placed a tray of glasses on the side table and resumed her spot on the floor, taking a glass with her.

Although Sirius was the only one to get up and take one of the drinks, Remus and Peter both murmured their thanks.

"Oi, Lils," said Sirius disdainfully.

"Is there a problem, Padfoot?" Lily replied with mock sympathy.

"What the hell do you call this?" He held up a glass filled with orange liquid.

"I call it pumpkin juice."

"Why?"

James raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, but are you asking my wife to tell us the story of how pumpkin juice was named?"

"I am asking your wife why she is serving us pumpkin juice."

"Would you rather have a slap 'round the face?" Lily offered.

Sirius glared around the room. "Does nobody understand what I'm getting at?"

"Alcohol," said Remus simply. "He wants alcohol."

Lily looked at Sirius for confirmation. He nodded in approval. "Really?" she said. "You want alcohol? Sirius, it's nine in the morning!"

"It's Christmas!" he cried. "Prongs, back me up here."

"Sorry, Mate," said James, leaning back further into the sofa. "I'm on Lily's side here. It's way too early."

"You've changed," said Sirius. "Wormtail?" Peter shook his head. "Damn you all! Christmas is a day of togetherness and understanding, and if I'm going to survive it I need to be shitfaced."

"Sirius, you can't go to church drunk," said Lily. "I'm sorry but,"

"Hold on!" he cried, eyes widening. "Who said anything about going to church?"

"James told us we had to go last week," said Remus.

"He did. I was there," said Peter.

Sirius' glare flickered upon each individual in the room. None of them yielded.

"This is some sort of sick joke. You cannot force religion on me at Christmas," he said.

"Sirius," said Lily sharply, no time for any more of his nonsense. "It's Christmas and we're going to church."

He looked to James one final time in a desperate appeal. When his best friend said nothing but, "Look it's only for an hour," Sirius shook his head slowly and murmured, "Marriage has changed you. You used to have bollocks."

"He still has bollocks trust me."

Everyone looked at Lily, quite forgetting their previous church dispute.

"What was that about James' bollocks?" asked Remus, amused.

"You heard her," said James, giving Lily a wink.

Her face was straight, giving her an air of being unabashed, and yet the swig of pumpkin juice she took was rather large.

Sirius shrugged, a mimicked her action, drinking the juice. He pulled a face and said, "You couldn't have at least gotten butterbeer."

After this there was a long debate which resulted in a triumph for the party in favour of church, and a dramatic anti-climax for those who were hoping it would escalate to Lily's promised insertion of the smaller vital parts of Sirius' motorbike into Sirius' own smaller vital parts.

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**AN:** Thanks for reading. See you tomorrow!


	3. Nativity

"So this is church," James mused. Lily looked up at him expectantly, evidently wanting some sort of opinion rather than just a vague observation. James did not become aware of his wife's want; he was too busy nudging Sirius and pointing towards an obscenely large woman and whispering, "I thought we'd never see the Fat Lady again."

Lily was tempted to try and catch James' attention. That way she could ask him directly what he thought of the church she had visited every Sunday of the first eleven years of her life. Just before her temptation transformed into action, the large woman attempted to squeeze into one of those tiny pews, and thought James would be too distracted by this.

"It's lovely in here," came the much desired opinion to Lily's longing ears. Unfortunately, it was not James' voice, but Peter's.

Lily smiled at him gratefully and said, "I've come here every Christmas since I was born."

Then the four of them were seated for the service. The Nativity story got duller each year it was told. Nevertheless, Lily closed her eyes and allowed the words to wash over her, turning time backwards, sending her hurtling towards childhood. James held her hand.

Sirius was perhaps a little moved, but most of all he was desperate to get out of that bloody building. It smelt of wood varnish and old pages. As soon as the service was over, Sirius was expecting a speedy escape. However, there was a problem with that plan.

If you remember correctly, the _four_ of them were seated. When out of a party of five, only four are seated, something suspect has most likely occurred.

When the _four _of them got to their feet once more, they all shared the same inquiry: where was Remus?

"Maybe he wasn't... feeling very well?" suggested Peter.

James shook his head. "Full moon was two weeks ago. He should be at his peak."

"Maybe he had a cold," said Lily, leaning her head on James's upper arm. "Did he have a cold?"

"I do remember explicitly blowing his nose for him, now that you mention it," Sirius sneered.

Peter was checking under the nearest pew. Not that Remus could fit under there, never mind why he would try to fit.

Lily frowned on the scene.

"Are you checking out Peter's arse," asked James, speaking so close to Lily's ear that his nose was in her hair.

Lily shrugged. "Only because I don't know where Remus' arse is."

She was scolded with a kiss on the head.

That was when Sirius spotted him. "Lucky bastard," he breathed. "He's been cornered by a girl."

"A good-looking girl?" James asked, at such a speed Lily was forced to pinch his arm. He backtracked quickly, "I was just curious because I care very much about Remus and the well-being of his penis."

"Good boy," she said happily.

"Anyway, she's ugly," said Sirius, gesturing to where their friend was standing, talking to a short blonde and looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.

"Should we rescue him?" asked James. "Or just be happy he's found somebody?"

Detaching herself from James with a sigh, Lily declared that she would fetch Remus.

"But he looks so happy!" cried Sirius, just as Peter's head collided with the pew he was struggling to crawl out from under.

The boys watched as Lily made her way over to Remus. When she reached him, she placed a hand on his shoulder and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

After a minute of three-way conversation, Lily was leading Remus back to the group by his hand.

"Has my wife been stolen?" James asked Sirius. Sirius did not have to answer because Lily and Remus had returned. "Remus, do I have to fight you for Lily's honour?"

Raising an eyebrow, Remus said, "Only if you want to be ripped apart limb from limb. Or have you forgotten that I have a slight physical advantage."

James snorted. "Yeah , if we wait two weeks and twelve hours."

"Well as far as that lady is concerned, Remus and I are not only married but must dash to take the kids to see their grandparents in London," said Lily, holding up her hand which was still clutching Remus'.

"I wish you the very best of luck," said Sirius. "Now can we leave?"

It was only when James had reclaimed Lily's left hand from Remus, Peter's head had been inspected for bruises, and Sirius was assured there would be at Godric's Hollow shortly that the conversation returned to Remus' mystery women.

"So she's not the future Mrs. Lupin?" said James.

"Doesn't seem like it," said Remus, looking right at the floor.

"So?"

"What?" Remus asked.

"Did she ask you out?" Peter clarified.

"Not exactly."

Lily spluttered. "So what did I become a polygamist for?"

"Yeah," said James. "What did she want?"

"Well," Remus began, looking embarrassed, "it turns out that they're one Wise Man short for the Nativity play she was directing tonight and she wanted to know if I could... fill in?"

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**AN:** Thanks for all of your support! Until tomorrow :)


	4. Propositions and Plates

Our next story is not so much a story in itself but the two conversations that would lead us to two events of a raucous nature. We'll start with the one between Lily and James.

It was only after Lily had set almost the entire table that James suggested it.

"No," she replied firmly.

"Why not?" whined James, watching her straightening a spoon. "They're my inheritance after all..." He trailed off with a pout. She realised she'd laid the spoons on the wrong side of the plates.

"Suit yourself," said James. "But we did have to go to church to support your family traditions." Lily glared at him. "And by have to," he continued, "I mean we wanted to go and we enjoyed it. Nevertheless, if we're going to uphold your family's traditions, shouldn't we uphold mine?"

Lily sighed. "They're in the attic, James. Next year?"

"It's my inheritance, Lil'."

"No it was a wedding present from your still-alive mother," she corrected.

"Who is coming to dinner later and would hate you so much less if you let me use her old china."

Lily's eyes widened at James' words. "You said she didn't hate me anymore!" she cried.

"I lied. She's going to hate you until she dies."

As this conversation deteriorated into the topic of James' mother's undeniable hatred for her daughter-in-law, Sirius set a trap for Remus.

"So, Moony," said Sirius, gripping his friend in a one-armed grip.

Remus raised both his eyebrows in curiosity. "Yes?"

Peter did the same from the sofa, watching his two friends converse across the room.

"How does it feel that you can't even get ugly brunettes to shag you?" asked Sirius. Remus went to scoff, but Sirius ploughed on. "I mean, that church bird just wanted you to be in her play."

"Your point being?"

Sirius released Remus to stare at him instead. Everything about Sirius' face said, "You are an idiot."

Remus was none too flattered by this, but it's hard to tell a face that they are offending you. Instead he thought he'd rephrase his question.

"What are you getting at, Padfoot?"

"I am merely pointing out your lack of sex appeal."

"Merry Christmas to you too," said Remus. "And I could've shagged that church bird if I'd wanted to."

"Go on then. Go be in that play and shag her and I will give you ten galleons."

"Firstly, no. Secondly, no. Thirdly, Lily might have let something slip about me having to take her and my three children to stay with my parents for Christmas while I checked into a hotel and had my rare genital disease seen to."

"Fourthly, you are shit at everything," finished Sirius. "Not that bird then. You can try it on with a fit one if you like."

Remus blinked. "You really are getting into the Christmas spirit aren't you? I'm not going to spend my Christmas trying to seduce some stranger just to impress you."

Except he was. He just didn't know it yet.

The trap was set.

The plate conversation had been revisited.

"I will make you a deal," said Lily. "Because you went to church with me, and cooked the food, and let me decorate the tree." She moved closer to him with each comma, placing her hands on his chest when she was near enough. "I will let you get your plates down and even lay the table all over again _if_, and that is totally and completely if, as in dependent upon this."

"I understand," said James, chuckling.

"If you promise to keep your evil mother in check."

"Deal."

Lily grinned.

"And my mother is not evil," he defended. "She's a very nice woman."

"To you."

"Well if you hadn't been so cruel as to turn me down and bruise my ego, I wouldn't have had to complain to my mum and she wouldn't hate you."

"She loves you too much."

"No you just don't love me enough."

Lily wasn't one for passive aggressiveness. However, sometimes she made exceptions.

James wasn't allowed to leave the room until he'd sat through a demonstration of how to fold napkins to look like dragons.

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**AN:** Merry Christmas! Your reviews absolutely make my day.

See you all tomorrow for attic shenanigans.


	5. Powder in a Box

James was on his way to the attic when he heard the cries from the living room.

"What's going on?" he cried, running into the room in a worried frenzy.

Remus and Peter were playing chess.

"Peter beat Remus again," said Sirius in a bored voice. "It's happened three times, it's dreadfully boring, and yet I can't look away."

Peter grinned smugly.

"Well, the last three didn't count because my pieces were just getting used to me," said Remus.

"My pieces got to know me pretty quickly," Peter retorted.

If it was possible, the life drained further out of Sirius' eyes. James watched the new game begin and Remus lose three pawns in the first seven moves before saying, "Sirius, would you like a distraction."

Sirius was off the sofa and by James' side within seconds.

"Anything," said Sirius pleadingly. "Do with me what you wish."

"I thought Lily said no drinking," said James suspiciously.

Sirius glared. "I'm not drunk. I'm just desperate."

"Back off mister, I'm married."

And then they went to the attic. Fully-clothed, I assure you.

"Why do you keep your plates in the attic?" asked Sirius, blinking away the dust and darkness of the place.

"These are our special plates," James explained.

"Marriage sounds suicide inducing."

James chuckled and shook his head. From where he stood, being anything other than married to Lily was the bleakest and most depressing state to be in. Besides, there was nothing wrong with special plates.

"My mum gave them to us when we moved in," said James.

"And you put them straight up here?"

"Lily's been terrified of touching them in case they break."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, but James couldn't see because it was dark. This reminded Sirius that he was in a dark attic and so he pulled out his wand and muttered, "Lumos." The attic wasn't quite so dark after that.

"Oh yeah," said James, mimicking Sirius' action with his own wand.

Now the young men could see very clearly the odd boxes and cobwebs that littered the Potter's attic.

"Accio pl-" began Sirius, waving his wand. James held up his hand to stop him.

"If they break," James warned.

"Then we can put them back together," dismissed Sirius, summoning the plates. They came in a box and with a smashing sound as James caught it.

James winced. Sirius, however, was not unsettled by this. With a roll of his eyes, he held his wand to the box in James' arms and said, "Reparo."

This didn't ease James' anxiety; he would have to see inside the box for that to happen. He placed it on the floor and opened it.

"What do you call this?" cried James.

What Sirius would call it was several plates with very... unique designs and shapes.

"Well those are special plates," said Sirius.

"They didn't look like that before you complete and utter twat," said James. "You repaired them like this!"

Indeed it seemed that the shattered pieces of plate had come back together any which way they so pleased. On one plate a cream fragment with yellow flowers sealed perfectly onto a larger gold piece with pink roses.

"Will your mum notice?" asked Sirius. James hit him. "Okay," Sirius changed tact, "How about we break them again? Then fix them properly?"

Sirius picked up the box, held it up to his chest, then let go. There was another crash.

Leaning over to inspect the contents of the box, it was clear that there were more than several breakages. In fact, some bits were so smashed that they were closer to powder than plate.

"Good thinking, smart arse," said James dryly. "How in the name of Merlin's arsehole are we supposed to fix them now?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly and suggested, "Blame it on Lily?"

James was just about to smack him again when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something in the attic move. Something that was neither he nor Sirius.

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**AN: **Happy "Day Five" :)

Thanks for all your lovely comments. Reviews make Christmas magical.

See you all tomorrow.


	6. Bad At Chess

It was Lily's chess set.

She'd had to buy her own in fifth year. Before that, she had borrowed sets from friends and joined in on other's games.

It took roughly five years for each and every chess piece in Gryffindor tower to turn against her. It sounds an improbable feat, but Lily Evans managed to be rejected my tens of chess sets.

Lily was not good at chess.

So she bought her own set, thinking that they would be far more likely to listen to her if she was their rightful owner. It worked. Sort of. They worked better than the others, and after careful practice, she had managed to get the pieces to follow almost every one of her actions.

It was the same chess set that had witnessed Lily's first win. Later she found out that James had let her win (he let it slip in an argument). Except he was lying, but Lily didn't know that. At least not yet.

But the day was young.

There was plenty of time for Lily and James to fight, for now there was calmer chess. Calmer chess and a frustrated Remus.

The three people in the living room were unaware of the beast in the attic.

They played calm chess.

"Lost again?" chuckled Lily, plopping herself onto the sofa with tea in her clutches. "Remus, this really isn't your day is it?"

Remus tried not to seethe.

Peter said, "To be fair, losing to me five games in a row doesn't even compare to when that ugly girl rejected you at church this morning."

Lily giggled into her tea.

"So we're just changing the story completely now, are we?" asked Remus, narrowing his eyes.

Peter's cough sounded uncannily like, "I beat you at chess."

Remus leaned forwards, danger in his eyes, "Suit yourself, Wormtail."

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It's a challenge," said Remus. "I'm going to beat everyone at chess today."

"You haven't even beaten me yet!" cried Peter.

The corner of Remus' mouth twitched. "Just you wait," he said. "When the others show up, I'm gonna play them all. And win."

"What about me?" asked Lily from the sofa.

Both boys turned to face her.

"What about you?"

She was like a little girl, crossed legs swaddled in blankets, a frustrated frown on her brow.

"You don't want to play me at chess?" Lily demanded of them.

Laughter ensued.

"Oh, shut it you two," she snapped, trying not to spill her tea as she stood up. Blankets fell to the floor with a thud. "I'm going to check on James."

"What are they even doing up there?" asked Remus, allowing Peter to pack up the board (at least for now).

It was lucky that Lily's response was cut short, because her response would have been wrong. James and Sirius were not doing _exactly _what Lily thought they were.

The beast can use stairs.

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**AN: **I know, I know, I know

It's terribly short and late and I am a terrible person. You'll have to forgive me thought because I have had a) a busy day and b) extremely frustrating writers block

I promise the next one will be better

Thanks for reading! You guys are the best!

See you tomorrow


	7. A Nice Little Implosion

Before we can get to the beast that travels down stairs, we have to return to the moment that James saw something in the shadows. It will explain everything. It won't appeal to logic, but it will explain everything.

"Prongs," said Sirius, both concerned and confused about his best friend crouch-walking into the darkness. Sirius lit his wand again so it would follow James' footsteps. "What are you looking for?"

James straightened up a little, peering over an imaginary obstacle. "I saw something move," he said.

"So your attic is haunted, big deal." Sirius shrugged. "My old house was full of nasty things. Well, my mother mostly, but she was a large woman."

James was not listening.

"Mate, these plates are heavy," said Sirius, shifting the weight of the box a little to relieve his arms. "Can we just go down?"

When it became clear James was not giving up his search mission, Sirius sighed and placed the box at his feet.

"Merlin's beard," said James slowly.

"What is it?" asked Sirius, who was quickly at his side.

"I think I've found the cat."

And in the light of their wands, they had indeed stumbled across a grey tabby.

Sirius' mouth fell open in shock, only to be closed immediately. His expression was now one of boredom and pity.

"What?" said James, defensively.

"You are pathetic, you know that."

"Cheers."

"I mean it," said Sirius, not taking his eyes off of James. "You are pitiful. This whole marriage thing has softened you."

"Because I found a cat?"

"Because you called it The Cat."

James frowned. "But he is the cat. What else should I call him? I suppose I could call him Albert as

it's his name, but it doesn't make him any less of a cat."

Sirius shook his head, almost mournfully. "It used to be Lily's cat."

Two floors below, Lily was losing at chess.

"You know," said Remus, checking her for the third time in a row. "This does actually make me feel better. Thanks for suggesting it, Lily."

This was not received well. "I didn't want to play to make you feel better!"

"It's not always about intentions," said Remus. "Oh!" he cried, "is this checkmate?"

If it was, no verification took place, and so it was historically regarded as a draw. Peter was about to inspect said checkmate, when a grey cat darted into the living room.

"Albert!" cried Lily, knocking the chess table over with her knee and she leapt to her feet.

That was when the beast bound in, setting Lily off of her feet.

"Sirius!" she yelped from the floor. "I am going to kill you!"

If she didn't mean it then, she certainly meant it after the great black dog went headfirst into the Christmas tree. Ornament shards were everywhere.

Lily got to her feet, eyes wide.

"Fuck!" cried James, just entering the room. Humans are slower than cats or dogs.

That was when Sirius turned back.

"What have I said about transforming in the house?" asked Lily, so calm it was dangerous.

Sirius looked to James for help, but James offered none. He wasn't going to forgive Sirius that easily.

Remus recognised the look that James and Sirius shared all too well. Sighing, he asked, "Have you two had a fall out?"

"What?" cried Lily, looking from her husband, to Sirius (who was sitting in the remnants of what had been the Christmas tree). "What were you two fighting about? Why is Sirius sitting on our tree? What is that burning smell?"

James gave a start. "It must be the turkey!"

He ran to the kitchen in such a frenzy that he almost didn't have time to tell Lily to stay away from the food. Almost.

The four left in the living room said nothing, they only listened to James' swearing from the other side of the house.

Finally, someone spoke.

"Do you want me to reset the board?" asked Peter, clutching several chess pieces in sweaty hands.

Nobody bothered to answer this question; there were more pressing issues to ponder. What had happened in the attic? How was the tree to be fixed? What was James doing to that poor dead bird? Who was that knocking on the door?

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**AN: **Merry Christmas and thanks for reading! You guys are the best!

Reviews make it snow.


	8. Through Doors

Benjy Fenwick was on Order business that night. But it was Christmas and he'd been invited to the Potter's, so rather than having to cut his visit short, he arrived early. What was his reward? Well, above all, that thing with the turkey really made his day... special.

To get to the turkey story, however, we have to go back to the moment that Benjy knocked on the door.

His hands were cold; he'd neglected to bring gloves. He was often forgetting the necessities. Still, he had brought a box of chocolate cauldrons, and his mother had always told him to give his hosts gifts above all else. His knuckles were white against the box.

It was Remus who opened the door.

"Hello," he greeted Benjy warmly, holding up his wand to Benjy's chest. "What do you call Marlene McKinnon behind her back?"

Despite the wand pointed somewhere near his heart, Benjy replied calmly, "Premature wrinkles."

"Correct."

As Remus stepped aside to let Benjy inside, Sirius let out a groan that carried from the living room to the hallway. Smoke was spiralling out of the kitchen.

"What have I walked in on?" asked Benjy cautiously.

"I'm not entirely sure myself," said Remus. "I think this way is safest though." And he guided Benjy into the living room.

"Sirius, stop apologising," said Lily firmly. She was using her wand to drape tinsel around the recently resurrected tree.

Benjy coughed.

Peter, Sirius, and Lily (who had all been concentrating so hard on the tree, they hadn't noticed Benjy at all) turned around.

"Benjy!" cried Lily, dropping what she was doing at once and running to hug him.

Sirius let out a roar of greeting a shook Benjy's hand jovially.

Peter eyed the chocolates in Benjy's other hand.

"Sit down, you look frozen," said Lily.

As Benjy did as he was told, he speculated the tree. "Aren't you supposed to decorate _before _Christmas?"

It took everything within Lily not to glare at Sirius. Instead she asked if he would fetch Benjy a cup of tea while she finished off the tea.

"Fine, but if James beats me to death with turkey legs I am blaming you," he said.

"What happened in the attic?" asked Peter.

Sirius just let his eyes glaze over with darkness, and it was clear this was a story for later. Then he went to make tea.

Still shivering from the outside, Benjy asked, "Do I even want to know what's going on here?"

Just then, a yell was heard from the kitchen: "For the sake of Merlin's right nipple, I'm not Lily you can let me in the kitchen!"

"I'm going to light the fire," said Peter.

"I'll help."

Remus tried to follow him, but Peter put a stop to this. "Shouldn't you be playing chess with Benjy?" asked Peter, his voice full of the mock-innocence that declares a man guilty of something. "Isn't that what you claimed?"

It took less than four minutes for Benjy to defeat Remus.

"This really is not your day," said Lily.

"Or maybe chess isn't your game?" suggested Peter.

Sirius and James had been quiet for far too long by Lily's standards. She wanted to check that they were both still breathing, but she knew that as long as James lived he would not let Lily into that kitchen. It would do no good to argue today. She'd find out why eventually. Or maybe he really did just want her to have a nice day? No, that couldn't be it. He was definitely up to something dodgy.

"I'm going to check on them," she said, standing up before anyone could convince her to do otherwise.

The smoke had gone from the hallway.

The closer Lily got to the kitchen door, the more obvious it became that Sirius and James had not fallen silent, they had merely lowered their voices. She recognised her husband's angry whisper anywhere.

Knowing she shouldn't eavesdrop, yet knowing that this was worth hearing, Lily put her ear to the keyhole of the door.

This is what she heard James whisper-shout: "Well in case you hadn't noticed, I did marry her! And if you don't like it, then you can get out of my house."

* * *

**AN: **Jingle bells and all that.

Thanks for following this!

Reviews make Jily kisses under the mistletoe


	9. Burning

Lily forced a smile on her face as she opened the door to yet more guests. Her grin was fixed as Sirius came out of the kitchen, and greeted the newcomers warmly. She showed Dorcas, Caradoc, and the Prewett twins to the living room (where they would soon all win a chess match to Remus, respectively). She watched two of these games, and even laughed with Sirius

Sirius, it seemed, had no problem laughing with Lily. Apparently, the thing that bothered him about her was not her laughter. What was it then?

Most likely it was her brand spanking shiny new last name. Maybe he thought she didn't deserve to be a Potter.

Sirius offered Lily a chocolate. Granted she had given it to him and he hadn't liked it so he'd spit it out before offering it to her in its saliva-coated majesty, but it was amiable enough.

It didn't make sense for Sirius to hate her, yet she hadn't misheard James. She was sure of that.

Still, Sirius had been so... enthusiastic about their marriage. He'd been the _best_ man. So what was this all about?

She didn't like sitting next to him anymore. Everyone was laughing and drinking and did not notice Lily slip out of the room.

"James?" asked Lily timidly, opening the kitchen door open a crack. Before she could open it all the way, he warned her not to come in. "For Merlin's sake," she cursed, entering the room anyway, "I won't touch the food, James."

He seemed to relax at this, sinking into his seat at the kitchen table.

"Everything alright?" said James. He didn't look all right himself; James looked downright miserable. He smiled anyway.

James and Lily shared their grin and bear it tendencies. Not with each other though, Lily would not allow that.

"Does Sirius have a problem with me?" she asked bluntly.

He just stared back.

"I might have eavesdropped," she admitted.

"Sirius is not in my good books right now," said James, nodding a little as he spoke. "We both said things we didn't mean."

Lily smiled. "Okay." Lily sat down opposite James and reached out to clutch the hand he was resting on the table. Her thumb gently stroked. "What happened in that attic?" she asked. "Is Christmas ruined?"

He shook his head.

"Is Sirius still welcome to enjoy your fantastic turkey?"

"Sirius is a git," said James simply.

It was ridiculous how much she missed him. She had been with him all day in theory, but in reality there had been so many interruptions and distractions that kept them from really enjoying each other's company. Even now they were not really together. Not with the table and this secret between them.

"Don't worry," said James, as though he had been thinking the exact same thing as her. "I'll explain everything later." He shifted their hands so he could squeeze hers. "When I figure the whole thing out myself."

That was almost enough to cheer her up.

"Did you get the plates?" she asked, suddenly remembering.

James froze at her words.

"What?" she said.

"Nothing," he said.

"Well obviously you're hiding something. Don't pretend like I don't know your I Did Something Bad face, I see it almost every day."

"That's not fair," James defended. "I almost always manage to hold my piss until we go for walkies."

"Sometimes you're so sexy I don't know how I go five minutes without ripping your clothes off."

"Sarcasm?"

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Just checking," he said.

"James."

"Yes?"

"The turkey is smoking again."

* * *

**AN: **Don't be too angry with Sirius. This is Christmas and things have to end well! Well, they have to end wellish... maybe. :)**  
**

Until tomorrow then m'dears

Reviews are sunshine on a cloudy day


	10. Mother Turkey

"I promise I'm not looking at your bloody turkey, now just take it out of the oven already!"

Lily was standing with her back to James, not taking her eyes off of the calendar on the wall. It was nearly time to get a new one. Behind her, James was clattering away. It took all of her strength to not turn around.

"I mean it, Lily," said James, clutching a turkey to his chest. "Don't you dare turn around. If you turn around it'll ruin everything, and my mother will blame you for it."

"When is the old hag turning up anyway?"

"That's offensive," he said.

"To old hags maybe," Lily muttered under her breath. James didn't hear the comment, but she did hear the little chuckle she let out at her own joke.

He told her that his mother would be here within the hour.

"That's it, I'm leaving," said Lily, moving towards the door.

He almost dropped the turkey. "What?" cried James.

She spun around and said, "I'm not doing a runner you idiot, I'm just going to check on the guests, and hopefully fix that tree!"

"Don't look at the turkey!"

Turning on her heel, Lily left the room. James would answer for his behaviour later; when Christmas was over.

She passed Benjy in the hallway.

"Lily," he said, catching her before she vanished. "I'm going to have to leave now. Thanks so much for having me though."

"Oh, no!" cried Lily, hugging him tightly. "Come back as soon as you're off duty?"

"It might be three in the morning."

"Well come as soon as you're off duty and it won't wake me up," she offered.

"Alright."

Benjy grinned as she kissed his cheek.

"James is in the kitchen if you want to say goodbye," she called over her shoulder as she disappeared into the living room. She was just in time to see yet another chess defeat.

Benjy found James on the floor cradling a turkey.

"Brilliant!" cried James, hopping to his feet. "You can look after the turkey while I fetch the plates. I just remembered that Sirius and I left them in the attic."

Something about James' smile was unnerving. Then again often when James was smiling it was cause for those around him to worry.

"Actually, I only came to say-"

"Excellent," said James, dumping the turkey in Benjy's unwilling arms. "Now, Fenwick, listen to me." James' tone turned serious and his eyes narrowed dangerously. "You protect that turkey as if it were your child, okay? You birthed that turkey. It suckled at your teat. You taught that turkey to walk."

"James, are you okay?"

Getting very close to Benjy now, James added one last thing. "Whatever you do," he whispered darkly. "Don't let Lily touch this turkey!"

* * *

**AN: **I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you guys this or if I'm supposed to keep up a wall between us, but I'm going to tell you anyway :P

I've been struggling a lot writing this and coming up with fun and interesting stuff to give you everyday. I'm not all that proud of half of what I've produced, but don't worry (if you like this that is) I'm not giving up at all. I'm just saying, forgive me if it's terrible and please let me know if you like it.

Also what you like so I can give you more of it!

Happy tenth day!

Thanks so much for reading


	11. Marriage in the Attic

The plates were still ruined. He didn't know what he had been expecting. For them to repair themselves perfectly on their own? Still, he had to try and make them presentable before his mother arrived.

"James Potter!"

Whoever was calling him from the bottom of the stairs was angry.

"Lily?" he guessed.

The head of red hair that appeared to be climbing the attic stairs told him he was absolutely correct. Lily was not happy.

"What is it, my sweetness?" he asked innocently (not entirely sure he was guilty yet anyway).

This did not amuse Lily. "You said your mother wasn't going to be here for another hour!"

"I said within the hour."

"Well, within the five minutes would have been far more accurate, James," she said, placing her hands firmly on her hips. This was evidently serious enough for the hips. Because of this, James did not point out that anything that happens within five minutes also happens within an hour. "Your mother," she pressed on, hands firm as ever, "arrived just in time to see me in a room full of people screaming at a chess board while I tried to get the tree upright."

James tried a smile. "That sounds fun," he said. "Did my mother hug you? I bet she did. She just adores you, darling." He pinched Lily's nose affectionately.

"James, do I look happy?"

No. She did not look happy. She looked incredibly tired. He was going to say she looked beautiful (it couldn't make things worse) when she cracked a smile.

"What?" asked James, mirroring her amused smile.

"I just remembered something."

"Which was?"

"That I'm married to you," she said.

James had a retort ready. It was on the tip of his tongue, ready to be unleashed in a stunning array of wit and hilarity. Nothing came of it. This was largely due to the fact that Lily had wrapped her arms around his waist and was looking right up into his eyes. If it wasn't so dark up there he presumed he could count the freckles on the bridge of her nose. Not that he needed to (there were exactly fourteen freckles on the bridge of Lily's nose). He said none of this because one thought dominated this urge for conversation: shag in the attic.

"What were we thinking having Christmas 'round ours?" asked Lily. His mouth was dry and he didn't speak. "What are you doing up here anyway?"

She let her arms fall away from his sides and moved to look at the box sitting directly behind James' feet.

"Bloody hell, James!" she cried. "Are these your mother's plates?"

"Perhaps," he said. "Or maybe it's a box of chalk. At this point nobody even knows."

"What happened?"

But that was a story about Sirius, and he was eternally angry with Sirius for the rest of the day. He might let Sirius apologise when Christmas was over.

"Are they fixable?"

"Of course not," said Lily. "We better just leave them up here and hope that your mum never asks to see them."

"That's a good plan. Why didn't we think of that?" Before that 'we' could hang in the air, James spoke again. "Hang on!" he cried. "If the living room was full and you were with the tree then who let my mum into the house?"

"I think Benjy let her in on his way out."

James' face turned white and, as he scrambled down two flights of stairs, he kept muttering something about death and turkey.

* * *

**AN: **Thank you guys so so so so soooooooooo much for all your kind comments on the last chapter. Don't worry, I'm going to carry on with this story. I was just wondering what bits you guys enjoyed most. Is the turkey thing getting old yet? Don't worry it won't last for much longer. It's end is nye and whatnot. If there's anything you like reading most in here let me know so I can put more in?

Thanks again! You are all amazing and darling and wonderful.

Merry Christmas


	12. Served

"There's my darling boy!" Edwina Potter ran over to her son as soon as she caught a glimpse of that dark, messy hair. "I hope you're looking after my lovely daughter-in-law." Something in her eyes dulled when she mentioned Lily. "Hasn't broken your heart yet, I hope?"

Sirius coughed from behind the hugging mother and son. "There's still time, my dear Edwina."

"Sirius!" she cried, releasing her son to hug him. "How are you? The house just isn't the same without you."

"What about without me?"

"Something smells dreadful," said Edwina. "Is that Lily's cooking?"

"Oh, that reminds me." James pushed past his mother and Sirius to the sofa. He jumped up onto the cushions so that he was taller than everybody else. Clearing his throat, he was drowned out by Remus: "Come on, McKinnon," said Remus. "Just one more game."

"Remus, you are terrible and it's boring," said Marlene, back cracking as she made to stand up. "I can't kneel on this bloody floor anymore."

James could not be bothered to observe yet another chess-related argument that day. "Excuse me!" he called all attention to him. "If you make your way to the dining room, Lily and I will bring you your dinner."

"Brilliant, I'm starving," said Sirius.

If his mother wouldn't tell him off for it, James would have let Sirius go hungry.

"Where's Lily?" asked Peter at James' shoulder. "Not with the food?"

James shrugged. "It's cooked now. What's the worst she could do?"

Not really understanding the question, Peter did not have an appropriate response.

* * *

**AN: **Today has been a busy day and now I am exhausted. Tomorrow will be better.

Thanks for reading!


	13. Tiara, Dove, and Bonnet

The guests were not impressed to see that the food was not on the table by the time they arrived in the dining room. Although they were too polite to say so.

"Where's the food?"

Sirius, on the other hand, was a separate entity all together.

"It's coming," said Lily. Her voice was sweet but her eyes were like daggers. "James is just checking on it?"

"Oh, James cooks now does he?" Edwina said softly. "How lovely."

The food was longer than anticipated. Lily didn't know what was taking James so long, but she thought it best to try a distraction.

"Here, Caradoc, pull this." She held up a cracker for Caradoc to pull. He won easily and was rewarded with a purple tiara and a live dove.

At the sight of the dove, Dorcas threw herself beneath the table.

Caradoc chuckled."I think this was meant for you." He placed the tiara on Lily's head.

"Really, Doc? Purple on ginger?"

"Can someone get rid of that bloody bird?"

The dove was on the mantelpiece.

"I want a hat," Peter declared. He offered his cracker to Marlene, who won a sort of Viking helmet. "Merlin, that's cool! Can I have it?"

Marlene replied with a scowl and sat it proudly on her own head. If one thing was for certain it was that Marlene did not enjoy wearing the helmet, but she would rather do so than allow Peter to win. He was forced to try again.

In ten minutes, the table managed to become completely covered in coloured string, various wigs, a pack of cards that sneezed, and a bottle top that wouldn't stop spinning. Everyone was wearing a hat.

Dorcas only emerged from out beneath the table when Remus had captured the bird and set it free out the window.

"You look lovely, Sirius," said Lily.

Sirius nodded at Lily from beneath his blue bonnet, giving her a genuine smile. "That purple still looks horrendous on you."

She screwed up her nose at him in reply.

Finally, James came from the kitchen, carrying a tray of turkey with pride. Nobody else looked half as pleased to see him.

* * *

**AN: **I'm so exhausted I don't trust myself to write a proper note here!

I love you all


	14. What You Want

Lily had never spent Christmas with James before. She always went home and spent it with her family, as did James (his family, not hers).

Even when they had been Sort Of Going Out last year, they hadn't seen each other on Christmas day. She remembered the letter he sent her though. All too vividly. It arrived on Christmas Eve with a large warning on the front: DO NOT READ UNTIL CHRISTMAS MORNING.

So Lily read it on Christmas morning. And thirteen times on Christmas Eve night. She fell asleep with the parchment clutched to her chest, and woke up with it stuck to her sweaty skin.

She quickly checked that the ink had not run, before sighing with relief and reading again.

_Oi Evans_

Lily was a little bit in love with the way James began the letter.

_I suspect you spent the night pining after me, the Christmas season making you feel lonelier than ever before. However, I am not going to be your Christmas slut. If you want a piece of this action then I heartily suggest you cross your legs and wait until your mind is not tainted by thoughts of being alone at this time of year. If you want my manhood then it shall have to be a present for your birthday instead. Take this as a warning that if I find you in my bed later, in nothing but stockings and a fake beard, I shall be terribly disappointed in you, and will almost certainly throw you out into the cold. However, if you find that you cannot keep yourself away from me and my marvellous crotch, I am willing to give you up to two minutes of pleasure. If you try and nestle your pretty little head on my shoulder for a cuddle then I will be forced to politely run away and lock myself in the bathroom. I will not be your emotional crutch, Evans._

_On the other hand, if you wanted to come over and maybe hold my hand while you read a book or something then I suppose that would be allowed. Maybe you could let me run my fingertips along your forearm, or kiss that spot between your jaw and your ear, or try and fit my kneecaps into the crooks behind yours. But only if you simply can't keep your thoughts away from me. Only then._

_I have to wonder if you've given any further thought to becoming my proper actual girlfriend. All the other girls I'm sort of going out with will be terribly disappointed, but your joy will (hopefully) outweigh their severe unhappiness. _

_Merry Christmas, Evans._

_I hope you have a nice day because I might just like you a little bit, and I might almost care about your wellbeing._

_James_

_P.S. Did you get the cake my mum sent you? I told you she didn't hate you!_

_P.P.S. Don't forget that you promised me an answer by New Year's. No pressure._

Her mum was sick so she hasn't gone to see James.

This year was their first Christmas together and he wanted it to be perfect. Unfortunately you cannot always get what you want.

* * *

**AN: **BOOM MIDNIGHT ish :P

Close enough


	15. Potatoes

"How does it all taste?" James asked the table, not daring to touch his plate as those around him cautiously made their way through the meal.

The speed of dining had decreased substantially in the past five minutes. When James had laid the turkey and vegetables before the hungry guests, they had all loaded up their plates in mountains. Even the turkey (which did not look particularly appealing) vanished quickly from the middle of the table and dispersed itself around the edges. This all happened in such a flash, that it appeared as though the guests had gone from scoffing their faces to pushing their food around with their fork in a matter of seconds.

"It's very... flavourful," said Edwina. "Did you cook it all by yourself, James? No help from Lily?"

Lily spooned gravy into her mouth, slurping so as to both drown out any further conversation of this kind, and also to remind Edwina Potter of her being there.

Sirius noticed the tension and, apparently overwhelmed with desire for potatoes, shovelled five of them into his mouth at once. He then proceeded to choke on them.

"You alright, mate?" asked Remus, pounding on his friend's back. "I've seen you handle twice as much food before."

Sirius forced the potatoes down his throat. "That," he said, choking on his words as much as the food, "was fucking disgusting. Sorry, Prongs," he added to James.

* * *

**AN: **I missed yesterday because a) I am a terrible human and b) I literally did not get the chance to so much as touch a computer for the entire day!

I'll be uploading another one later today though to make up for it!

Thanks for reading


	16. A Turn For The Worse

"Let's play a game!"

Remus tried to call the attention of the room to him, but everyone was transfixed on Lily and Edwina.

The party had evacuated the dining room to escape the terrible food James had prepared, only to be exposed to yet another disaster.

Edwina knew very well that her son could not cook, and was offended (to say the least) that Lily had allowed James to do the Christmas dinner.

"She leaves you hanging all those years and makes you do all the work," Edwina muttered poisonessly, glaring at her daughter-in-law with utmost contempt. "I'd have never let my husband do all the cooking."

She would never have said it if James wasn't hidden away in the kitchen, out of earshot.

Edwina pressed on, "You still think you're above my son, don't you! I'll tell you something, Miss." Except Miss was not what Lily was. Lily was Mrs. Potter. "I'll have you know that it was good of James to have you!"

"What do you mean by that?" said Lily.

"Why didn't you do the cooking?" prodded Edwina.

"I don't know!" cried Lily. "Sorry. I didn't mean to shout."

"Fuck it," said Lily. "Sirius, you were right this morning." Everyone looked at her with curiosity. "Christmas is the time to be drunk. I'm going to the pub."

She didn't even take the time to put on a scarf before storming out of the cottage and into the snow.

* * *

**AN: **I didn't upload a second one yesterday because I am a terrible person. I won't have time to write the extra one now BUT I definitely will make up for that missed day. Possibly on Christmas Eve.


	17. The Nice Young Man

It wasn't long before someone went after Lily.

She managed to run down the road to the local pub, order herself a beer, and take a sip, before a shadow appeared at her shoulder.

"Sorry, I'm married," she said into her glass.

"I know," said Sirius, taking the seat beside her. "I danced with you at the wedding."

* * *

**AN: **I wasn't really in the mood to write tonight so here's a little 'cliff hanger' if you can call it that :P


	18. A Cat

"I overheard you and James arguing earlier," said Lily.

She had decided there was no point in tiptoeing around the subject.

"Oh, yeah?" asked Sirius, taking a sip from her glass. "What exactly did you hear?"

"James was angry with you."

"Still is, I reckon."

"And you had a problem with our marriage."

Sirius nodded slowly, taking a very large sip of Lily's drink. "Okay, I'm going to tell you a story about a cat, and I promise you cannot get angry with me until I've finished telling it."

* * *

**AN: **Again with the 'cliff hangers'. Sorry about that. Also, I missed yesterday because I had to hand in coursework today so my yesterday was dedicated entirely to doing that.

I promise I'll make up for everyday I miss before Christmas! :)


	19. Possession and Grammar

Sirius Black was a great lover of animals.

James Potter hated cats.

James specifically hated Lily's cat, who in turn hated him.

For James' fifteenth birthday, Sirius acquired him this cat.

"Happy Birthday, Prongs," he said, handing James over a box with holes in it.

James shook the box. Sirius winced. When James opened his gift, a grey tabby jumped out of it.

Swearing loudly, James dropped the box and leapt backward onto his bed. If his ankle smacking against the wood hurt, James did not show it. He was too busy scrambling backwards.

"You do know that cats are more than capable of jumping on beds," said Sirius.

"What is that thing doing in here, Padfoot?"

"Happy Birthday."

The cat looked at James from where it sat on the floor. James could not be said to have done anything less than glare back.

"Is that Lily's cat?" he asked, leaning as close as he dared.

"It was, but then I stole it for you."

"Why? You know I hate Lily's cat!" said James. "The bastard bit me that one time."

"To be fair you were holding it by its tail."

"Why do you hate me?"

Sirius didn't get a chance to answer because the cat had jumped up onto the bed with James, causing James to let out an almighty yelp.

"You're pathetic," Sirius sneered. He moved forwards and scooped the cat up in his arms. "Dear old Mango here is a darling."

James frowned. "I thought Lily's cat was called Rhubarb."

"Why the fuck would Lily call her cat Rhubarb?"

"Why would she call it Mango?"

James and Sirius both looked at the cat in confusion. What the hell had Lily called it again?

"Wait, I still don't understand why you've stolen Lily's cat for me," said James, giving up on the name.

"Oh, to help you out."

"How does that work?"

Rolling his eyes, Sirius fell back onto his own bed, still cradling the cat, but substantially more comfortable than he was standing up.

"Well, you know how you're ridiculously and pathetically besotted with Evans these days?" asked Sirius, staring at the ceiling, but directing his question at James.

"What? I don't have a thing for Evans?"

"Prongs, don't offend my intelligence. Anyone with half a brain knows you fancy the knickers off of the ginger," said Sirius matter-of-factly. "I wouldn't be surprised if even Peter knew, and he's sporting a third of a brain."

James scoffed. "Absolute rubbish."

"Anyway, moving past the comments I'm going to have to make about you staring at her in classes, and messing up your hair when she so much as walks near you."

"You said something about moving past comments," James prompted.

"Oh, yeah," said Sirius. "Back to my original point. When Lily realises her cat is missing she's going to have a fit and cry and stuff."

"Probably."

The cat was struggling to get out of Sirius' tight grip. Sirius ignored this.

"Right, so you wait until she spirals into despair, and then you can walk up to her one day and say 'Hey, Evans, I've found your cat." Hand the cat over and in less than a second Lily will be missing her knickers."

"You're going to steal those too?"

Sirius shrugged.

"Look," said James. "Even if I did fancy Lily, which I most certainly do not, I'm not keeping that bloody cat."

Sirius sat upright. "You wouldn't take on a cat for the chance to take on that chest Evans grew over the summer?"

"I wouldn't take on Lily's cat for all the tits in the world."

And so Lily got her cat back, and Sirius thought he knew for certain that James would never take on said cat.

But then, one fateful Christmas, James found Lily's cat in the attic. Not only did he seem relieved to find it, but he referred to it as The Cat.

As much James' as Lily's. Pathetic.


End file.
